Is This Love Real?

Is This Love Real? - Cheryl Woolstone counselling Blog

How in the world do you answer this question?

Do you hold your breath and hope for the best or is there a way to determine if you are in a relationship that has substance, the kind of love that you can build a stable future on.

I have broken this down into 4 statements  to consider. If you can honestly say that you believe these statements then your relationship is likely to thrive. Take the test…

Think about these statements and see how your relationship measures up:

1. My love for you will definitely change.

We are innately averse to change, that is human nature. Yet we are constantly in flux and changing. Love that can adapt to the inevitable changes in life is almost indestructible. We age, get sick, get well, gain weight, lose weight, learn, grow. If you are with someone long enough you will go through periods of infatuation, deep attraction, calm companionship, feelings of obligation, boredom, excitement, the whole gamut of experiences.

2. You are not everything I need.

It is folly to believe that you will meet all of each other’s needs. You will be exhausted trying to be all that the other person needs you to be. And it isn’t honest, you are who you are. Sacrificing your personal needs doesn’t grow a relationship. Mutually supporting each other’s growth does. A caveat: it is necessary to meet the majority of your partner’s needs and in fact there are growth stretches for you in loving your partner in the way that they need to be loved.

3. I can live without you if I had to.

Remember that classic song, “I can’t live….if living is without you”, well you really do not want to believe this! It sounds intense and highly passionate but it reflects a belief that stems from infancy not adult attraction. The need for this degree of nurturing and dependence is a sign that you need counselling particularly if you feel deeply depressed or suicidal in a crisis or after a break up. You need to be able to say and believe,”I can live without you”, you may not want to but you can trust that you will be okay.

4. You and I aren’t one.

Living by the “We Are One” ideal does not allow for two separate realities to co-exist and stunts the growth of the relationship and the individual. Relationships are exciting when differences are not a threat. Agree to disagree. Dare to explore your differences.

Real love is not a trap

Many of my single clients fear this. Real love exists when partner’s are free to develop as individuals, free to disagree,  free to change and grow and free to explore outside interests that energize the partnership.

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This entry was posted on Monday, June 27th, 2011 at 8:00 AM and is filed under IMAGO and Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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