Archive for the ‘IMAGO and Relationships’ Category

The Passive-Aggressive Partner

The Passive - Aggressive Partner - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Passive – aggressive behaviour destroys relationships.

Passive – aggression is a deliberate and masked way of expressing covert feelings of anger.

This pattern destroys the integrity of a relationship and is one of the hardest patterns to transform.

Read more »

The Argument Trap

The Argument Trap - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Continue arguing and you will become enemies.

Arguing works well for a court of law but not in your relationship.

For those of you with argumentative personalities you will want to read this post. You know who you are…. Read more »

It’s Your Mother’s Fault

It's Your Mother's Fault - Cheryl Wooolstone Counselling Blog

How quickly do you bounce back from a fight?

Do you transition easily back into connection or do you find yourself acting like a wilful toddler? Read more »

Radical Romance

Radical Romance - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

What does it take to love well and wisely?

Risk, resilience and a good enough childhood – not a great one, just good enough.

Check out the the article, Radical Romance, by Cathleen Medwick if you are interested in a deeper exploration of the purpose of romantic love.

Stop Blaming Your Ex!

Stop Blaming Your Ex - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Listen carefully to what he says about his ex.

This is how you tell whether a new partner is ready and worth the “risk”.

Check out the article, How I Learned To Stop Blaming The Ex And Became A Man, by Elliot Katz.

Refreshing insight and candor from the male perspective.

Viva La Difference

Viva La Difference - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Celebrate not just tolerate difference.

This is the path to an energized partnership.

The fact that you see things differently is a strength – not a weakness. Read more »

I Win – We Lose

I Win, We Lose - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog Post

Do you have to be right at all costs?

Is your need to win destroying your relationship?

Try to win and you will both lose – every time, guaranteed.

There is one simple idea that can transform your relationship: Be more interested in understanding your partner than in winning an argument.

Embrace this principle, save yourself heartache and massive counselling or legal bills. Read more »

Unplug And Re-Connect

Unplug and Re-Connect - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

How is technology affecting your relationship?

Are you distracted, impatient and more interested in your friends on Facebook or Twitter than your partner or family?

Attachment to our Blackberries, iPhones, Facebook, and Twitter are a source of hurt and frustration between couples. Read more »

What Not To Say

What Not to Say - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

There are a number of ways to blow it…

…Especially when your partner is upset about something – her job, your mother, his health, your relationship.

Here is what not to say or do when your partner  is upset…. Read more »

Is This Love Real?

Is This Love Real? - Cheryl Woolstone counselling Blog

How in the world do you answer this question?

Do you hold your breath and hope for the best or is there a way to determine if you are in a relationship that has substance, the kind of love that you can build a stable future on.

I have broken this down into 4 statements  to consider. If you can honestly say that you believe these statements then your relationship is likely to thrive. Take the test… Read more »

Emotional Affairs

Emotional Affairs - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog Post

How do you know when you have crossed the line?

How do you know you have broken the bond of trust with your partner?

An emotional affair can be as devastating to a relationship as a sexual affair. Secrecy and deception are the deal breakers.

Emotional affairs are easy to deny, you can rationalize that there is no sex involved and keep yourself guilt free.

Check out this article on Oprah’s website, Emotional Affairs 101, for some concrete signs that you are having an emotional affair.

Hold My Hand

Hold My Hand - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

What happens when your husband holds your hand?

He is actually doing more than just expressing affection, he is altering your brain chemistry and lowering your stress level.

Here is the catch, you need to be happily married for this to happen! Read more »

NY Times Article on Affairs

New York Times Article on Affairs - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

A compelling article on affairs from the NY Times:

A Roomful of Yearning and Regret

This is really worth the read, particularly if you are contemplating having an affair.

The author, Wendy Plump, explores the impact of an affair from both sides, from her experiences as the cheating spouse and the betrayed lover.

According to Wendy: “You will be pulled between two poles, one of obligation and responsibility, the other of pleasure and escape, and the stress of these two opposing forces will tear you apart.”

Should You Stay or Go?

Should You Stay or Should You Go? - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog Post

Relationship decisions can be agonizing.

Deciding whether or not to keep trying is hard, particularly when there are children involved.

Should You Stay or Should You Go? a Huffington Post article by Christine Carter PhD, describes four types of relationship problems in an attempt to simplify the decision-making process.

Check out her article, it may help you make sense of your situation.

Personal Power

Personal Power - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Would you rather feel powerful or be powerful?

When it comes to our relationships there is a world of difference between these two experiences.

To feel powerful people often resort to manipulation and coercion.

To be powerful is to come from a position of self-knowledge and be able to regulate your emotions.

Clients enter into therapy because they feel powerless in some area of their life. Read more »

Destructive Communication Patterns

Destructive Communication Patterns - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Which relationships will survive?

Which will falter, fail or self-destruct? We know the answer!

Dr. John Gottman makes the bold statement that he can predict with 95% accuracy whether couples will stay together or not.

His predictions are partly based on the presence of four destructive communication patterns: contempt, criticism, stone-walling and defensiveness. Read more »

The Me Marriage

The "Me" Marriage - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

A lasting marriage does not always mean a happy marriage.

Plenty of miserable couples stay together forever.

But it looks like this trend may be changing.

NY Times columnist, Tara Parker Pope, wrote a great article, The Happy Marriage is the “Me” Marriage. People are looking for partnerships that make their lives more interesting and they want to experience personal growth, which Parker Pope terms “self-expansion”.

If your partner is  helping you become a better person then that deepens happiness and satisfaction.

Check out the article and learn why it is important to have novel and exciting experiences together.

Zero Negativity

Zero Negativity - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Can you eliminate all shame, blame and criticism?

Are you addicted to negativity? Are you a fault-finder or a love-finder? Read more »

The Power Struggle

The Power Struggle - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Who dominates? Who has the last word?

Whose version of reality wins?

When this is your focus you know that you are locked into a power struggle, the phase that follows romantic love, the unwelcome descent into reality.

The traits that you once found charming and quirky are now annoying. Read more »

Heading For Divorce?

Are You Headed For Divorce? - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog Post

Avoid becoming a divorce statistic.

Pay close attention to the research of Dr. John Gottman!

Learn about the “Masters” and “Disasters” of relationships.

Check out the article, The Top Five Signs That You Are Headed For Divorce. Watch the videotapes of the research couples demonstrating the behaviours that lead to divorce. Can you see yourself in any of these couples?

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