The Transformative Power of IMAGO Dialogue

So, what I heard you say is…

…that every time I show up late you feel that I don’t love you and that you are very low on my priority list.

“Did I get that?”  “Is there more to that?”

Imagine hearing that from your partner when you are upset and angry.

Couples locked into a power struggle are unlikely to respond to each other  in this curious, caring manner.  You know that you are in the power struggle phase of your relationship  when the fight is on to determine whose reality gets to dominate the relationship.

The IMAGO Intentional Dialogue process is a 3 step exercise designed to help couples move past painful arguments and power struggles.

Mirroring is the first step in the IMAGO Dialogue process. You listen without judgment, suspend your reactions and do not distort the thoughts or feelings of the other person. You honour that there are two people in the relationship with  different views and perceptions.

Mirroring is not simply about repeating or parroting the other person’s words back to them. It is a scripted process, but on a deeper level it is the gift of your full focused attention.

Attention is the most basic form of love.

The greatest compliment that you can ever pay another person is to ask them what they think and listen to the answer, really listen to their answer.

When we are fully listened to it makes us unfold, expand and deepen. Ideas actually grow within us and come to life.

When our partner asks us “Is there more to that?” we learn that our thoughts and feelings do run deeper. We learn about ourselves and our partner gets the opportunity to know us on a deeper level.

I didn’t know that about you!

I hear this all the time from my clients after they have experienced the mirroring process. What  follows is an expression of sadness as the couple begins to acknowledge that they are strangers to each other in significant ways.

This is what it looks like on the other side of the power struggle.  IMAGO Dialogue can get you there.

Next we will look at Validation, the second step in the process.

Tags: Communication, Imago Dialogue, Mirroring, Relationship

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 29th, 2010 at 4:27 PM and is filed under IMAGO and Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.