Posts Tagged ‘Relationship’

Why Am I Alone?

Why Am I Alone? - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog Post

Do not ask yourself that question.

If you do, you are headed down a path of failure and misery.

The answer propels you on a fault-finding mission, sets you up for agony and self-doubt. The result is diminished self-esteem and confidence.

The answer…you change the question. Read more »

NY Times Article on Affairs

New York Times Article on Affairs - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

A compelling article on affairs from the NY Times:

A Roomful of Yearning and Regret

This is really worth the read, particularly if you are contemplating having an affair.

The author, Wendy Plump, explores the impact of an affair from both sides, from her experiences as the cheating spouse and the betrayed lover.

According to Wendy: “You will be pulled between two poles, one of obligation and responsibility, the other of pleasure and escape, and the stress of these two opposing forces will tear you apart.”

The Me Marriage

The "Me" Marriage - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

A lasting marriage does not always mean a happy marriage.

Plenty of miserable couples stay together forever.

But it looks like this trend may be changing.

NY Times columnist, Tara Parker Pope, wrote a great article, The Happy Marriage is the “Me” Marriage. People are looking for partnerships that make their lives more interesting and they want to experience personal growth, which Parker Pope terms “self-expansion”.

If your partner is  helping you become a better person then that deepens happiness and satisfaction.

Check out the article and learn why it is important to have novel and exciting experiences together.

The Power Struggle

The Power Struggle - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Who dominates? Who has the last word?

Whose version of reality wins?

When this is your focus you know that you are locked into a power struggle, the phase that follows romantic love, the unwelcome descent into reality.

The traits that you once found charming and quirky are now annoying. Read more »

Your Love Is My Drug

Your Love Is My Drug - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Everyone remembers the high of falling in love.

Your body is flooded with nature’s feel good chemicals. You want this blissful state to last forever.

Neuroscientists have found that after a period of 6 months to 2 years the brain stops producing these stimulating chemicals. Read more »

After The Affair

After the Affair - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog Post

Can your relationship survive infidelity?

Once love and trust are shattered can you ever get it back? Is forgiveness possible?

Dr. Janis Abrahams Spring in her book, After the Affair, answers “yes” to these questions…providing that each of you is willing to look honestly at yourself and your relationship, and acquire the skills you need to get yourself through this crisis. Read more »

Why You Are Not Married

Why You're Not Married - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog Post

Bold, straight-shooting and crass.

Tracy McMillan, writer for the hit TV show Mad Men, posted an article on Huffington Post which is sure to get a reaction.

Check out, Why You’re Not Married, and see if you agree with her points.

What Is Your Love Language?

What Is Your Love Language - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Why is she not moved by your efforts?

You took out the garbage and put down your BlackBerry but what she really wanted was a hug…that would have made the difference.

Your emotional love language and the language of your partner may be as different as French and Mandarin. Read more »

My Newsletter Launch!

Drum Roll Announcing Cheryl Woolstone Counselling's Connection Newsletter

I’m excited to announce the launch of my Newsletter

This is what you can look forward to when you sign up… Read more »

The Eye Roll

The Eye Roll - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Contempt, the relationship destroyer.

By the time it has infiltrated your relationship you are in big trouble.

One of the clearest signs that you need outside help is a common and simple facial expression: The Eye Roll.

It is a sign that you no longer value your partner. Read more »

You Change First - I Insist

You Change First, I Insist - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

“Fix Her And Then We Will be Okay.”

Couples often come to counselling with the mistaken notion that if the therapist changes the other person then magically all the problems will disappear.

A shift from right and wrong to an understanding of how relationships are co-created is what IMAGO Relationship Therapy is all about.

Here is what the process of change often looks like. Read more »

What Did I Do?

What Did I Do - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Your partner is angry and and you ask, “What Did I Do?”

Your tone is a dead give away whether you are defensive or curious. Do you respond or react?

So which will get you to a deeper understanding of yourself and your partner? I know, that question is a set up, the answer is obvious. And the answer is always the harder route. Read more »

The Power of Connection

This video is amazing!

Take the time to watch. You are guaranteed to learn from this inspirational talk.

IMAGO Therapist and innovator Hedy Schleifer was invited to give a prestigious TED Talk on the Power of Connection.

If you want deeper insight into IMAGO Couples Dialogue, this is for you.

Check out the video after the jump:

Read more »

Change One Little Word

Change One Little Word - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

It pays to think before you speak.

You can hear and feel the difference between “I need you to pick up your socks” and “You are so #@!! lazy”.

One version is load and shoot and the other is artful diplomacy.  The art of  speaking so other people listen can be dependent on the change of just one little word.

It is amazing how the choice of a particular word can turn a receptive partner into a defensive, antagonized person. Read more »

Love TKO

Love TKO - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Don’t keep your guard up in a relationship.

If you do, you’re guaranteed to keep the love out, too.

When it comes to love, things are not always what they seem.

Why is it that you block the love  your partner is trying to give you? You say you want to feel close and be loved, but you behave in a way that guarantees you will not feel loved? Read more »

Quick Fixes For Broken Relationships?

Is A Quick Fix Possible For A Broken Relationship - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Is there such a thing?

There are a number of behaviours that you can change which will have an instant impact on your relationship.

What do a few of the top researchers and clinicians say about what transforms a relationship from painful and confusing to connected and secure? Read more »

I Said I Was Sorry!

What Makes For A Good Apology - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Why does the apology fall flat?

Your heart was in the right place and your intention was pure…what went wrong?

Apology is an art form, one which can be learned.  There are some fundamental ingredients which form the basis of a genuine, non-defensive, responsible apology. Read more »

What Is Imago Relationship Therapy?

What Is Imago Therapy - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

“We wish we could bring you home!”

Before beginning my training as an IMAGO Relationship Therapist I would hear this from my couples.

Couples would leave the sessions with insight about their relationship dynamic, ideas about what to do differently but feeling ill equipped to change their behaviour in a tense moment.

I practiced traditional couples therapy for well over a decade before beginning my training in Imago Relationship Therapy. The differences in outcome for couples has been amazing! Couples are given new skills, new ways of listening and relating.

What does the term IMAGO mean? What is IMAGO Relationship Therapy? Here is the Coles Notes version… Read more »

Remove The Thorns From Your Heart

Remove The Thorns From Your Heart - Resentment - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Resentment and anger have amphetaminic effects.

They provide an immediate surge of energy and a numbing of pain – a feeling of personal power, which is a cover for underlying feelings of helplessness and inadequacy.

The upside of any amphetamine is that you get the powerful surge of confidence, but it is followed by an equally powerful crash. You drop down even lower than where you started. Read more »

To Love Big, Think Small Everyday

To Love Big Think Small Every Day - Cheryl Woolstone Counselling Blog

Sustained repair and recovery takes little steps

It does not come in titanic waves, it is the small steady current that determines where the stream flows.

A full relationship recovery  is a quieter process. Relationships require a steady investment of time and emotional energy. Read more »

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